I don’t normally write things like this, but I am going to open myself up and be completely vulnerable.

My parents died when I was young, 7 to be exact, so I have only a few memories with them. I know my mom was an amazing cook, she was fair, and she loved my brother and I tremendously. My dad also loved us fervently.

But what I think about often is how much I miss them. Growing up, I would see girls playing with their daddys at the park and just wishing I could have that. But even more so now, I miss my mom!

I have 2 children of my own now-a 1 year old and an almost 3 year old. They are close to age like my brother and I. My daughter is the spitting image of me, and my son, as scary as it is, looks just like my brother and is beginning to act more and more like me the older he gets.

Anyway, I miss my mom everyday. I wish I could just call her up and ask her what to do in just about every situation that arises. I wish I could just ask her how she raised 2 small children who were so close in age. I wish I could ask her if she breastfeed and how it worked for her. I wish I could get advice on relationship issues and marriage. I would love to ask her a whole list of questions.

But even though I can’t do any of that, I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t change it because I know I wouldn’t have met my husband or gotten a Master’s degree or traveled the world. I wouldn’t be the person I am today. There are a whole list of other things that would have changed if my parents were still here today.

Instead of focusing on the “wishes” and “what-ifs” and sadness of it all, I choose to focus on all the good that has happened in my life.

Ultimately, I am okay. Yes, I have my moments, but I know that I am okay.

But my story doesn’t end here. I am actually more than just okay. I am more than okay because my hope is in God. I understand that God has a plan for my life, so I know that I will always be okay, no matter what happens. I will always have a joy that far outweighs the pain.

There is even more to my story than my parents simply dying. They didn’t die in a car crash or from illness. They died from a murder-suicide. My dad killed both my mom and himself. I didn’t tell you this in the beginning because I know that would have been all you could focus on, right? But I tell you this now to let you know that God can redeem even the craziest of stories, the most gut-wrenching heartbreak. The “why mes” and the “what ifs” have all been redeemed by Jesus!

So even if you are dealing with the loss of parents, either recently or in the past, or even loss or sadness in general, please know that there is hope. It’s okay to be weak and it’s okay to just be okay, but it’s better to know that you can have an everlasting joy in Jesus. Let God heal you today. He can make you whole.

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